Spouse-to-Spouse Tips & Advice
Every military spouse needs to read this! A great collection of reader-submitted tips and ideas about dealing with deployments and military life for families of the armed services.
Tree of Memories
When my husband was deployed and Christmas came around, I sent him a little Christmas tree with pictures hanging on it as ornaments. I hung pictures of our daughters and us, our wedding and birthdays, his family, etc. He love it! It was a way of having us with him on those days.
Virtual Daddy
Submitted by "Theresa"
I actually got my idea from my 3-year-old! Basically we laminated pictures of my husband and stuck them to the wall above the kids' beds. My youngest will "talk and tell stories to him," and every day and night, she tells "Daddy" that she loves him while he's being a brave soldier.
Book Club Across the Miles
Submitted by "Cherie"
While my husband is deployed I choose a novel and purchase 2 copies. I send him one along with his care package, them we read the book "together" and discuss it over email. It makes us feel like we're doing something together, and it gives us something to talk about on those rare phone calls, when nothing else comes to mind other than the typical "I love you a miss you."
This past deployment, my 9 year old daughter also decided to share in our little "book club"!
Digital Scrapbook
Submitted by "Laura"
While my husband was on deployment this summer, my boys made a scrapbook of all their adventures using digital pictures we had taken. They each have pages and pages of their favorite photos, embelished of course with stickers and creative lettering. Now, as we embark on the homeschooling first year, the boys have a great time writing about each event for their dad. The memories just flow onto the papers. My husband LOVES looking at the albums, and reading the stories that go along with each page/adventure. He can feel 'caught-up' with us, and the sadness of missing so much is eased a bit.
Build-A-Bear, Make-A-Smile
Submitted by "Dawne"
Before my husband left for Iraq, my daughter and I went to Build-A-Bear and recorded our voices saying "I love you." We put one recorded message in each paw. Now the bear is going to Africa, too!
A Pair of Boots
When my husband left for his first deployment, we had only been married for 5 months, and I was on the other side of the country from anyone I knew. My neighbor's husband always left his boots outside, next to their front door, and it always seemed to be a symbol that he was home. So, before I ever left to go anywhere, I would take a pair of my husband's boots and set them outside, next to the front door. When I came home, I would see those boots, and for a second, I felt like he was home.
Reinventing the Growth Chart
Submitted by "Jean"
While my husband was deployed, I bought some paper on a roll and every month I trace my children on it and attached a recent picture. Then I sent it to my husband over seas so he can see how much his kids have grown.
A Daddy Map
Submitted by JG
Buy a map of the United States for your child's wall. When daddy goes away put a star over the area he is deployed to. Put a calendar next to the calendar so they can X out each day that daddy is gone-all the way until his return. This is a great way for them to learn days and weeks, plus they love making the X's for another day closer to Daddy's return. The map creates an opportunity for questions and doing research together on that part of the world. You won't believe how proud they are to show friends exactly where their daddy is. It is a great geography lesson.
Growing up in Pictures
Submitted by Jessica, military spouse
My husband and I just had our first child, a daughter, and he had to leave on deployment when she was only a month and a half old. Watching his face as he said it would be a while before he saw her again and knowing how much of her growth he would miss out on seeing I decided to take a picture of her everyday starting the day after he left. When he returns there won't be a day that's past that he hasn't gotten to see his baby girl.
A Journal of Letters
Submitted by D. Rae, military spouse
I adopted a Soldier and I bought a simple 70 page spiral bound notebook. I filled it with letters from me...put some news stories he'd like in it...and had other people write encouraging letters to him as well. He said he couldn't put it down and he re-read CONSTANTLY. He said it made him thankful and realize that people do love and support our military.
Build-A-Story
Submitted by A. Rivera, military spouse
Since Daddy isn't home to share in bedtime story duty, have him start telling a story over email to the kids, but don't finish it, maybe just a few lines. Then have the kids write the next part of the story back to daddy. Do this back and forth, each time adding a little more to the story. The story doesn't end until Daddy comes home. When you can finish it together. A nice plus would be to copy the entire story into one document and print it out as a keepsake from the deployment.
Photo Quilt
Submitted by Rebecca Fannin
I'm making a photo quilt for my husband's next deployment. I bought printable cotton pages at the craft store. They're the size of computer paper and go right through the printer. The photo gets printed right onto the cotton and can then be sewn to other pieces of fabric. I'm including pictures of all of us together and of the kids and me individually as well as pictures of our home and our dog. This way my husband will get to cuddle up with us at home every night! I'll also be making two smaller photo quilts for our daughters with photos of them with Daddy. Then they can cuddle with him each night too!
Human Touch
Submitted by Kristi Vega, military spouse
(Visit Kristi's Blog!)
When my husband first deployed, it was before we had kids. Hours away from family, I spent much time at my fellow spouses' houses, and with their kids. One night, after holding and hugging their babies, I realized it was the first affectionate touch I'd felt in over 2 months! I really believe human touch is factor in our moods and in fighting off depression. If you don't have close friends or family to hug, I recommend indulging in massages and pedicures all you want while you husband is gone. You can't forget about that human touch factor.
Bag of Surprises
Submitted by "a military spouse"
Before my husband left, I took pictures of us doing things together and put them in a small photo album. On one page was the picture and the opposite page was a written description. It was his own little scrapbook to look at when he was lonely for us.
I also left a few pages empty so he would have room to insert pictures that we will send to him periodically. And I put cards in his luggage, which he found while he was unpacking. He said it was wonderful to hear from home so soon after getting there.
Picture This
Submitted by Samantha O., military spouse
When my husband went on deployment the first time, we took pictures of him in all of his favorite spots in the house. The day he left I placed all of his pictures in their designated areas so that I would never feel like he was gone.
Lollipop Tree
Submitted by J. Bowe, military spouse
To prepare for a deployment, a friend of mine recommended making a lollipop tree. We went to the craft store and bought a Styrofoam globe, a stick and a flower pot with the green arrangement foam. Then we put a small lollipop in the globe for each day my husband would be gone (6 months is a lot of lollipops) and every night my son could take one out. She has two children so she makes 2 trees and has the children decorate the pot how ever they want to.
Hugs & Kisses on Demand
Submitted by M. Ponce, military spouse
During my husband's first deployment, I was three-months pregnant and had moved back home to my mom, who gave me the idea of "Hugs & Kisses on Demand," something she learned back when my dad was in the Army.
First you fill a large jar with with Hershey's Kisses and Hugs, then you have your spouse blow a few kisses in for good luck. When he or she is gone and the need arises, you go to your jar and retrieve your very own magic Kiss or Hug!
Phone Call Journal
Submitted by L. Carton, military spouse
When my husband is away, and phone calls are far and few between, I keep a "phone call journal," which I keep with me and jot down subjects or fun things I would like to share with him, as well as questions I need to ask.
Then when the phone call does come, I skim through these important items. I want to keep my husband updated and from missing as few things as possible. The journal helps us make the most of our time on the phone. Time is precious always, but especially during a deployment
Kissing the Stars
Submitted by "a military spouse
My husband and I love to watch the stars. From our driveway you can see the constellation Orion no matter what time of the year it is. Every night that my husband is away I send a kiss toward Orion and my husband sends one for me. So even though our days and nights are different, I can step outside every night and get a kiss from my husband and he can get one from me. (See Also: Wish Upon a Star)
Counting Trash
Submitted by Deanna, military spouse
The first time my husband was deployed we hadn't yet had our daughter. Instead of dwelling on the number of days he was going to be gone, I counted the number of times I had to take the garbage out. It sounds weird but starting at 26 instead of 180 really worked nicely.
Wish Upon a Star
Here's a neat idea! Buy a star for your deployed loved one, then you (and your children and spouse) can wish on the same star across the miles! Star registries make excellent birthday, anniversary and new-baby gifts too.
Take Yourself Out for a Date
Submitted by Dawn,
When my husband was underway, I had the idea of "taking myself out." Being from a large family and not accustomed to being alone, I learned to go out and enjoy my own company while watching what happened around me. I really learned alot about myself and how to enjoy being alone.
The Piggy Bank
Submitted by M. Bass, military spouse
Everyday my husband is away, the kids and I put money into a big piggy bank. Usually it's just spare change, but occasionally we stuff $1 bills into it as well. Before my husband left, we all decided to go to the waterslide park for a big family day together when he gets back. The more we save, the more we can do. Maybe even make it into a family weekend. The kids are really looking forward to a special day with Daddy.
The M&M Countdown
By Sarah Smiley, military spouse
To help my young son (who doesn't understand time or the calendar) count down the days left until his daddy comes home, I put M&Ms in a jar, measuring out the exact amount of M&Ms as there are days left in the deployment. I let my son eat one a day, and we watch the stash dwindle as Homecoming draws near! (The only problem: if the deployment is extended, Mom has to sneak more M&Ms into the jar while the little ones are sleeping!)
Keepsake TShirt Quilt
Submitted by K. Spoke
To celebrate my children's graduation from high school, I took all their little t-shirts (you know, the ones they get for every activity they do from summer recreation programs, sports teams, academic teams, etc.) and made them into a quilt. The web address above is a link to my crafts page. Click on quilt for a photo of the first one I made. They are great lap quilts for college dorm rooms, and eventually, our grandkids will be wrapped up in them!
So, start saving those t-shirts!
Paper Chains...with a Twist
Submitted by K. Kramer, military spouse
When my husband left on a world cruise, I decided to make a paper chain with my sons. Instead of making a chain then tearing one link away each day, we created the chain. Each night we wrote down something special that happened that day. We made it into a loop and added it to the chain.
It was pretty impressive to see how many days we had "survived" the cruise, and Dad got to see what we did each day while he was gone. I plan to use the links in our cruise scrap book and put them on pages with photos matching the events.
Make a Written History
When your spouse comes home from a detachment/deployment/assignment, sometimes it's difficult to remember all the "little things" (the things you want to tell him about) that happened while he was away.
If you keep a journal or daily diary of your time apart, he/she will have a written history of your life while you were separated.
PLUS -- Ever get a phone call from your deployed spouse and in the excitement you forget EVERYTHING you needed to tell him about! Keep notes about "things I need to tell him" as the weeks go on. Place the notes by the phone so you'll be ready when he calls.
Preparing Care Packages
Submitted by, "An Army Wife"
When your loved one is overseas, it's important (for them and for you!) to keep the care packages flowing. Nothing makes a Soldier's day like a box from home! But it's hard to keep up with sending all those packages, so to make it easier, follow these tips:
1. Keep a box open in an extra room or other out-of-the-way area of your home. Throughout the month, fill it with things your Soldier/Sailor likes (treats, books, magazines, etc.).
2. Mark it on the calendar to send a care package to your spouse on the same day of each month. For instance, fill the box all month long and then send it on the last Wednesday of the month.
3. If you do this during the duration of the deployment, your loved one will have a constant flow of gifts from home!