Long before there were smartphone apps and online countdown clocks, military wives the world over have been coming up with clever ways to mark time. It’s a (married-to-it) occupational hazard, if you will, a prism through which military spouses view the calendar. Ask most military spouses when they sold their house or got their dog, and they will stare at the ceiling and count not years or decades, but deployments.
Read moreRetiring from the Military Not Easy on Everyone
About 10 years ago, I grew weary of military life. Well, honestly, I had grown tired of it before then. When I was still my Navy dad’s dependent and in college, I said I’d never marry anyone in the military and live that kind of lifestyle again. Pretty much the next day, my now husband asked me on a date, and we were married a year later.
But it was 10 years ago, when we were due for another military move and probably more deployments, when I really began to resist. And if there’s one thing the Department of Defense knows, it’s this: when the spouse isn’t happy, the service member is probably looking to get out.
Read moreIf 1950s Women Were Trapped, So are We
What ensnares women today is not that different from what ensnared them when our mothers were young. Instead of being the best wife, however, we’ve moved on to being the best mother. And even if we follow all the rules and recommendations, more rules will come along to show us that we’ve failed (that Fisher Price bike holds an electronic tablet for more ridicule-worthy screen time). We no longer worry about what our husband thinks of our hands, but we sure do worry that our son’s packed lunch won’t measure up to the one we saw on Instagram.
Read moreHow My Husband Helped Me Through Depression
Today, when people ask how I got through that dark period, I tell them Dustin, naturally nurturing and a born problem-solver, was smart. I don’t know how he knew exactly what to do. I’m not even sure he knew what he was doing at the time. But when I look back on those months, I realize there were steps Dustin took that led to the dark cloud lifting — because it truly is like a dark cloud that hovers.
Read moreMilitary Widow Reflects on Parenting Alone
“Eight months have passed since my husband was killed in the Red Sea. Landon was not killed by enemy fire, nor as a result of a mechanical failure. He was killed as he sat in his helicopter, rotors spinning and chained to the deck of a ship that was going too fast in high seas. A large wall of water hit the side of ship, shot up, and crashed onto the helicopter, causing it to break apart and eventually go over the side with both pilots still strapped in their seats.
Read more